Lesson 1
Deconstruct Your Mistake
Learn to identify and own your specific actions before you speak.
Identify the real issue
Most fights involve a surface trigger and an underlying hurt. You might have been late (the trigger), but the hurt was feeling undervalued (the impact). You must apologise for both. Acknowledge your action: 'I was late.' Then acknowledge the impact: 'I know this made you feel disrespected and unimportant.'
Remove the excuses
Never use the word 'but.' 'I am sorry I was late, but traffic was terrible' turns an apology into a justification. The reason why you did something is secondary to the fact that you caused hurt.
Be specific
Generic apologies like 'I am sorry for whatever I did' show you have not reflected on the conflict. Name the behaviour. 'I am sorry I raised my voice and walked away.' This demonstrates you are taking full responsibility for your side of the conflict.