Lesson 1
Identifying And Drafting Boundaries
Clarify where your limits lie by identifying values that are being violated in your relationships.
Defining the Limit
Before you can communicate a boundary, you must define it. A boundary is not about changing another person’s behaviour; it is about stating what you will do to maintain your own mental and physical safety. Use the 'If-Then' formula: 'If [action happens], then I will [take this step].' For example, if a family member consistently interrupts your work hours, the boundary is: 'If I am in my office, I will not be available for conversation. If you knock during this time, I will not answer.' Be specific, keep it neutral, and avoid justifying or apologising for your needs. A boundary is a statement of personal policy, not a request for permission. Keep a list of your top three priorities—such as time for sleep, emotional privacy, or respect—and ensure your communication aligns strictly with these values. Clarity here prevents confusion during later enforcement.